Chapter Ten:  MIAMI BOUND

     Natch was driving, the highway not too crowded, it was past rush hour in the morning and he was thinking, fuck, who drives this fuckin' road in rush hour, they gotta' be fuckin' outta' their minds.  He reached for the radio, but his hand was grabbed by Nick.

     "No fuckin' radio.  That shit you listen to gives me fuckin' migraines."

     "It ain't shit, it's fuckin poetry.  Urban poetry, you know, not like they used to have in the old days, when those faggy folk singers crooned about peace and what not.  This is real shit, authentic."

     "Real shit, right, right."  Nick looked up and saw the exit sign for the airport.  "Hey, we gotta' get off, two miles to the fuckin' airport."

     "Yeah, then I gotta' ditch this car, boostin it from the doctors office was a good fuckin idea, what with people waitin' five fuckin' hours to see the quack anyway, sick assholes lined up for miles in the waitin' room."

     "We might get back before the dipshit knows it's gone."

     "Ain't this some shit, we are goin' to fuckin' Miami.  I hear they got babes up the ying yang down there, you gotta' be a fuckin' retard you don't get miles of pussy down there."

     "We got a little business to attend to first.  Imagine that, Benny, the fuckin' Tic, tryin' his very best to clip the Old Man, sending that elevator freak Patsy Shoes up here to do it."

     "Well, Patsy Shoes ain't exactly winnin' no gold fuckin' medals, his dive offa' that fuckin' roof was maybe a five outta' ten, he's wavin' his arms like a fuckin' helicopter."

     "There's the exit."

     They pulled off the highway, entered the airport, found long term parking, Natch saying it's long fuckin' term alright.  Natch wiped the car down, can't be too careful, what with this D&A shit all over the place, he thought, smiling at Nick who was watching a pretty snappy stewardess wiggle her cute ass, dragging one of them rolling suitcases towards the terminal.

     "Man, I could pop that right now."

     "Wait till we get on the fuckin' plane. Besides, I read someplace about this club they got, you get fucked in the bathroom of a plane, it's supposed to be a big fuckin' deal.  I think when you get done plowing this bitch, they give you some kinda' medal or shit like that....them wings maybe."

     Dragging their suitcases, they entered the terminal building.  Looking around they spotted the airline they wanted and whattaya' know, there's that cute ass wigglin' stewardess.  Natch pokes Nick.

     "Looka' that ass.  Awesome."

     Loraine had worked for the airline about two years, always the same, at the check in counter, and she had thought she had seen everything. Loraine was cute, twenty six years old, dark hair and dark, some would say, black eyes, a big smile what with that red lipstick which drove Natch fuckin' crazy.

     She looked up and saw the two guys heading her way, both dressed in killer pleated slacks, open at the neck shirts, and each now wearing a gold crucifix on a gold chain around their necks.

     "What, did we merge with MAFIA AIRLINES over night?"

     Large smiles from both as they stood in front of her counter.

     "Can I help you?"

     "You sure can honey, you wanna' go someplace?"

     "Hell is too crowded right now.  Were you, ahem, gentlemen, flying with us today?"  Please, just say you're lost, looking for the men's room.

     "Yeah, lady, we headin' for Miami.  You got a fuckin' flight goin' there in a while."

     Fuckin' flight, she thought, a fuckin' flight?

     "Yes, flight 444, departing in two hours.  You have tickets?"  Please say no.

      "Yeah, you wanna' join us down there, I hear they got beaches and shit like that."  Natch gave her the big grin, and flexed his right arm, the muscles rippling in his shirt sleeve, thinking, she don't like lookin' at that, she's gotta' be one a them lesbos.

     Maybe, she thought, they are with the circus.

     "Bags?"

     They tossed their luggage on the scale, Loraine typed in the stuff she needed to type, hoping she would finish as quickly as possible, that one, the short one, looks criminally insane.  Natch was tapping his fingers on the counter, Nick elbowed him.

     Boarding passes were printed, the bags tagged and with large smiles, they waved goodbye to Loraine and headed for the gate and security.

     "I think she wanted me."  Natch poked Nick in the ribs.

     "No doubt."



     The plane was about half full.  Most folks who had been unlucky enough to sit near Nick and Natch were able to change seats the very second the f-bombs began.

     Megan Douglas and Jennifer Logan had been stewardesses for this airline for about ten years and they had, they thought, seen everything.  From people terrified of flying who managed to terrify the entire plane, to people drunk out of their minds who wanted to Cha-Cha their way across America.  They were both somewhat surprised, and very much wrong, as Nick and Natch entered the plane and plunked themselves down in First Class.

     "Nice fuckin' seats they got here."

     "Yeah, looka' they got a fuckin' TV screen built right into the fuckin seat."  Natch busied himself pushing the buttons on the TV, not realizing nothing was going to happen until they took off.  "Fuckin' thing don't work."

     Megan approached the two men, her eyes full of the slicked down hair, the open shirts, thinking, Oh Christ, hoodlums.

     "Excuse me, but this is first class."

     "And we are a couple of first class fuckin' guys.  How ya' doin' honey?"  Nick smiled at Megan thinking, hey, she's fuckin' hot.

     Megan smiled, took a step back, thinking these guys must be fugitives form some B Movie."

     "Er, not for nothin', but this fuckin' TV don't fuckin' work."  Natch thinking, maybe they gotta' change our seats. 

     Megan thinking, I gotta' get off this plane.

     "Can I see your tickets, er, gentlemen?"  Please, please be on the wrong flight.

     "Yeah, sure babe.  Nick reaches into his pocket and pulls out the folded, wrinkled ticket, handing it to Megan who takes it daintily with two fingers.  Shit, she thought, this is the correct flight.  But wait, these are not first class tickets, hurray!

     "I'm sorry sirs, but your seats are towards the rear of the plane, not up here."  Maybe next to the emergency door, which with any luck would pop open over North Carolina.

     "What?  What the Hell, we can't sit here, you're fuckin' kiddin' right, this is a joke or something?"  Nick grinned his best grin at Megan who took another step back.  Jennifer hearing the noise, walks over.

     "Is there a problem?"  Oops, what have we here, are we running lunatics for the government on this flight?

     "No problem cuties, this honey over here, she says we're in the wrong fuckin' seats."

     People getting on the plane were beginning to pile up behind the blocked first class aisle.  A lot of "ahems" and "excuse me's" were bandied about.

     "Yes sirs, you are.  This is the first class section of the plane, you have to purchase these tickets, they cost more, a lot more."  Maybe they have no more money and maybe they'll slither down to the rear of the plane.

     "Shit honey, why didn't ya fuckin' say so?"  Nick reaches for his wallet and begins peeling off one hundred dollar bills, one after another, a big happy smile, knowing, shit, this honey ain't never seen nothin' like this.  I bet I pop her once we got to fuckin' Miami or maybe I hose her in the bathroom.

     "Sir, please, we cannot handle the transaction this way."  Please, let it all be counterfeit, then we can call the cops.

     "What, you want a fuckin' credit card, well, why didn't ya' say so babe."  Nick pokes Natch in the ribs.  "Give this here honey one of our credit fuckin' cards."

     "Here ya' go doll-face, just run a fuckin tab for us, and hey, whattaya' we gotta' do to get a fuckin' drink around here?"

     The stolen credit card was processed, the two travelers upgraded to first class and more or less, the flight more or less was uneventful.

     Natch tried his very best to get Megan to join him in the bathroom, had to stop when the pilot threatened to have him arrested when they landed in Miami, Natch taking great umbrage at this turn of events.

     "So, why they got this club about fuckin' in the bathroom if you can't fuck in the bathroom?"

     Nick actually spent some time chatting it up with Jennifer, who was somewhat inquisitive of those two guys and thinking, he does have a pretty nice body, and maybe my whole outlook in men is wrong.  She shook her head, what, are you crazy?


next:  Chapter Eleven:  ''I"M IN MIAMI, BITCH'......LMFAO